What’s In Between All Or Nothing?
“I caved and had dessert last night, so there’s no point in continuing with my nutrition plan.”
“I won’t get to the gym in time for class, so I guess I’m not exercising today.”
“It’s already past my bedtime…I might as well keep on scrolling.”
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
If so, welcome to the Self-Sabotage Club! 😣🔨
All-or-nothing thinking has come up A LOT in coaching lately. The main sabotaging thought is usually that things are not worth doing unless they are done perfectly or exactly as planned. So when an obstacle presents itself (as it inevitably does), we are quick to throw in the towel and self-loathe rather than consider how we could stay on track.
Funnily enough, coaching clients have a tendency to think they are the only ones suffering from this type of thinking when in reality, we have all fallen prey to it at some point!
That stubborn, perfectionist voice tends to be loudest when we’re least likely to challenge it—like when we are feeling tired, hungry, or stressed out. When we are in distress, we are unable to access the creative, problem-solving parts of our brain that help us to navigate challenges so we can keep on truckin’.
We are also less able to give ourselves the compassion and empathy needed to move forward, which is why all-or-nothing thinking can be so painful and demoralizing.
So how do we flip the switch?
The good news is that we are often just a few deep breaths away from accessing our creative faculties and seeing the world of possibilities that exists in the space between “all” and “nothing”.
When we are relaxed (or at least NOT stuck in fight or flight), we are better able to think clearly, generate ideas, and work around obstacles with greater ease. This is the space from which we find inspiration to take that next step forward, or revise the plan.
Sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves that it’s about progress, not perfection.
Maybe you take a few deep breaths or go for a brisk walk. Perhaps you talk it through with a coach or friend. Whatever helps you feel more calm and centered can shift you from the tunnel vision of survival mode to the expansive landscape of opportunities available to you.
Food for thought:
Where in your life do you get stuck in all or nothing thinking?
Close your eyes and take three deep breaths.
What would be one step forward from “nothing”?
How does it feel to consider what else is possible?
(If you are interested in diving deeper into overcoming self-sabotage I highly recommend the book Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine as well as taking the free, online Saboteurs Quiz.)